a-may-zing

As the semester comes to a close, so too does my required blog post each week. Going into this experience, having to keep a blog on anything for a semester, I was a little unsure. Writing has never been my strong suit, and the idea of having to sit down and write about something, anything, each and every week was not something that I looked forward to doing.

For starters, choosing what to write about on a weekly basis was always a challenge. While the arts are supposed to go hand-in-hand with creative thinking, I’m pretty sure I was not given any of that creative ability. I’m a pretty straight forward and logical-minded person. In any case, I did somehow manage to find something to write about each week, and I think I am better off for it.

Even though writing anything is not an activity which I enjoy, I found that this entire experience was one that really engaged my brain and made me stop to think for a bit. I rarely take the time anymore to sit down and just brainstorm thoughts on a given topic. Life gets busy and you can get so caught up running around trying to get everything done and make everyone happy, that you forget to just stop and take stock of your thoughts.

I’m not sure if I’ll continue to blog on a regular basis after this class is over, but now at lease I know that I have a space where I can write my thoughts if I want to share them late at night when I can’t sleep.

  A harmless enough question. Someone might be asking you about your profession, your year in school, or many other things. However, more often than not when I am asked this question, it is not in reference to any of those things. People what to know my nationality.

 

In response to this question, I have taken up playing my favorite game…. “What do you think I am?”

The responses I get are numerous and varying, and never cease to make me laugh. Apparently I can convincingly pass for mixes of Italian, African American, Native American, Latina, Greek, Lebanese, Asian, Pacific Islander….the list goes on and on. I laugh because as far as I know, I am none of the above. Unlike many people who can be classified as racially ambiguous, I am not some strange mixture of many different races. Most of my family lines can all be traced back to one place: Germany. Those who feel the need to inquire as to the origins of my ancestors commonly will not believe me when I tell them this, and that’s completely fine by me. It’s always fun to know that you have the ability to blend in in many cultures.

 

The thing that bothers me about this whole situation though is not that people mistakenly believe me to be a different race than I am. (I could honestly care less about races…people are people) What really bothers me is that people feel the need to find out exactly what you are. The cultural idea of sorting people based on where their ancestors are originally from. It doesn’t matter if your family just came to the US yesterday, or if it was so far back that no one even remembers at this point. The idea of classifying people based on checked boxes on a form has permeated our society, and I am not sure that this helping us to become more accepting of different cultures at all.

So what are you?

I am a human being. I am part of the human race. I am a person who loves music and loves to sing. I am a person who takes a while to open up to new friendships, but who is completely loyal to the people I do let in.

I am not a checked box. I am more than the color of my skin, which changes from season to season.

I am human.

What are you?

While I’m not a senior this year, and I won’t have to face the reality of graduation for another year, the commencement ceremony that draws ever closer for current seniors has me thinking about the ways that you can get the most out of the time you have left.

This is the last time in your life when you will be able to wake up 15 minutes before class starts, throw on some sweats, and still make it to class in a semi-presentable manner. In a very short time you will have to start getting up early enough to shower, put on real clothes/make up, and actually do your hair. Along with that, you have to stay looking this nice for over eight hours. That’s right ladies, no hurrying home from that hour and a half long class to take your bra off and get comfy.

The idea of staying out anywhere past 10 p.m. on a weeknight will be insanity, and the amount of time you will have to be able to devote to extracurricular that you actually enjoy will diminish substantially. So much so that you might say that the time evaporates.

The most important point that I can make, would be to not try to rush through it. I could look at this upcoming year as a home-stretch. I could try to sprint to the finish line that is the future of adulthood and making grown-up life choices, but  where is the fun in that? Graduation will still come at the same time no matter how you get there, so slow down and enjoy the ride. Savor each little thing. Will it seem stupid to others and even yourself to constantly remind yourself that “this is the last….”? Yes, it will. But it is the last one. Take the time to remember it.

You (should) only get to experience this once.

When some people find out that my mom and I are close, they think it’s strange. Some people just aren’t into having close relationships with their parents, and that’s fine. But my mom has been my best friend since the beginning of time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

1. I talk to her everyday and it’s because I want to. If anything important happens in my life, I pick up the phone and she is the first to know.

2. She is my biggest supporter. She knows I can do anything, and she always pushes me to be the best that I can be.

3. We borrow each other’s clothes. Some of her stuff is so cute that I end up stealing it.

4. She never sugar coats anything for me. If I call her with a problem, she’ll always have a step by step plan to fix it. Even though sometimes I wish she would just listen and let me rant, I know that she wouldn’t be my mom if she didn’t have a plan.

4. She is the best shopping partner ever. She always knows what will look good, and has no problem telling me if something looks bad.

5. Every now and then, she sends me flowers at school “just because”, and it always brightens up my day.

6. I wonder every day how I will ever be half the mother that she is.

Many people will agree with me in my firm opinion that Grey’s Anatomy is by far one of the best shows on television, and there is a reason for that. (Rather, multiple reasons.) So, in honor of the 10th anniversary of the airing of the first episode of Grey’s, I have made a short list.

-It’s incredibly easy to relate to.

The relationships are never perfect. They aren’t afraid to cover the difficult things that are major parts of life, such as sexual orientation, religion, death…the list goes on.

Along with that, the characters are all realistic. They all have their flaws and they have all made mistakes. They are human, and that’s why audiences can really understand the characters and come to love them so well.

-It’s not just mind-numbing television.

This is literally a show about a hospital and medicine. Every episode brings new information for audiences to learn about. You can’t just zone out for Grey’s Anatomy. Like a surgeon, you’ve got to keep your mind sharp.

-Most importantly, Grey’s gave us the concept of “my person.”

Possibly the most important contribution Grey’s Anatomy has made to the world was the introduction of having a “person.” Up until this point, friendships like Meredith and Christina’s were hard to explain. Now we know exactly how to describe that complete and utter love you hold for your friends. We know how to label a friendship that is more than just a friendship.

Some people love and embrace the idea of being spontaneous. The less planning that goes into something, the more they thrive in the experience. Jumping in a car and just going somewhere brings a good kind of excitement into their life.

I am not one of those people.

In my friend group, if there is one person who can be counted on to do all of the planning for any given trip, it would be me. If, by some strange happening, I am not the one to be planning any kind of get together…the questions are endless and I make sure I know everything. Where is this? No, like what is the exact address? It’s fine I can find it and get directions myself. Oh I found a great place to park right near by. What time is everyone getting there? How much is this going to cost? The list goes on. And on. And on.

While sometimes I think that perhaps I worry a little too much, or am too concerned about the details, I have come to realize that the world needs all different kinds of people. I need my spontaneous friends to keep me calm and collected so that I can let go and have fun, while those friends need me to do the serious planning that is sometimes necessary.

So for all of you planners who could not be spontaneous if your lives depended on it, you keep doing you!

There are many people out there who are true romantics. They believe that they will meet the one person who is their soul mate, be amazingly in love, get married, and then be happy for the rest of their lives.

While I love a good fairy tale as much as the next Disney loving girl, I also have a very different opinion on what it means to find your soul mate. I think that there are plenty of people who exist in the world who could be your soul mate. I know this because I have found a couple of my soul mates, and I while I do love them to the moon and back, I would never actually want to be involved with them romantically.

Finding your soul mate, or one of them anyways, means that you have found someone who understands and accepts you completely for who you are. You know each others deepest flaws, and somehow still love them and support them. Your soul mate is someone who you can see yourself having in your life forever, who you can’t imagine not playing a major role in your life.

 

 I have found this amazing group of people who I know are going to be a major part of my life. I met them 4 years ago, and while we don’t actually get to see each other very often, we always make the most of the time we have. If we can all manage to find one free weekend day in our calendars, we spend it together. Over the summers we try to get together at least four times in three months, which is actually a lot for us. We’ve all talked about our futures and we know that we all want to be a part of each others’.

When there comes a time when someone starts dating someone, the group has to meet them. For me, this amazing group of people is my second family, and their opinions would be just as important as those of my biological family. 

Some people might say that we are all just really close friends, and that a soul mate is one person who you love…etc. I can see where those thoughts might come from. However, I disagree. I honestly think that to call these people friends would be the biggest understatement. It is as if I was meant to meet these people. We were destined to become friends and support each other. We’re supposed to know and understand the deepest parts of each others’ minds, and accept it all.

Some people think they wouldn’t be able to survive without their significant other. I would not be able to survive without my soul mates.

It can sometimes be daunting to think about the millions of choices that we make in our lifetime, and how each of these choices send us down one certain pathway in life. Let’s say you’re running late one day. You woke up late, you’re stressing out, and then you spill coffee on your favorite shirt and you decide that you have to change it. As you drive to wherever it is that you are going (work, school, etc.) you see a crash. What if you had decided to get up on time and be productive? What if you decided you could easily cover up that coffee stain so that you could be on time? You could have very well been a victim of that crash.

While this is a pretty terrifying way to think about it, I would like to share a story of one choice I almost didn’t make, and one that completely changed my life.

This was back when I was a junior in high school. I had applied for this summer program called Governor’s School North Carolina in the area of choral music. Governor’s School is a six week summer program for gifted students all over the state of North Carolina. Students stay on a college campus and along with their core classes for their area of study, they are also required to take classes that have to deal with social issues, philosophical issues, and attend seminars about every topic under the sun. Bottom line, it was pretty much a lot of learning, and I applied to the program because I knew it would look great on my college applications.

When I got my acceptance letter, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t like the idea of spending six weeks of my summer learning, especially not in choir classes. The last three years that I had spent in choir at my high school all but killed any love I had once held for music. I have been singing for as long as I can remember, and I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t sing. To ask me when I started singing would be like asking me when I started breathing. Growing up I was always a part of the church choir, and I loved music class in elementary school. But I finally found real choral music when I was in the seventh grade. I joined the choir, and it wasn’t just everyone singing the same melody together…it was more. It was real. It was a challenge. Throughout all of my awkward preteen years in middle school, chorus class was my safe haven. It was a place when I could connect with people over music whether we were friends or not. It was something that I excelled at. Then in high school that starry-eyed passion that I had found for choir was decimated. Singing in my choir had become something that stressed me out and something that I hated doing. Class was not a safe place, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over every day.

So you can see why the thought spending six weeks of my life at Governor’s School studying choral music was not something that excited me. I hated the idea of it because I had come to hate choir.

 

Through much convincing on my parents’ part, I did end up going. I packed up my stuff and I went to Governor’s School West (GSW) at Salem College. This is one of the very few times in my life when I will happily admit that my mother was right.

 your peers, and to accept and appreciate when others have different opinions. Most importantly, I found my forever people. I me

At GSW I found my love for music again, and so much more that that as well. I discovered what it was like to really enjoy learning, without having to worry about grades and assignments. I realized how amazing it is to have a truly intellectual conversation with t people who became the best friends I could ever have. These are friends that I am still so close with four years later, and who I know will be a part of my life forever. I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

 

What if I hadn’t gone to GSW. What if?

I can’t even begin to imagine how different my life would be if I hadn’t had this amazing once in a lifetime experience. I probably would have quit choir my senior year of high school, and not have gotten involved with music in college at all. Music is the building block of who I am as a person currently. Without Governor’s School, I would have become an entirely different person.

Last week I talked about overachievers in general. The people who do everything. The people who can’t say “no.” The people who don’t like to fail. But how did we become like this? Are we born or made?

By the time we get to collect, we are  all but technologically programmed and wired to strive for success. We got our scholarships, we take honors classes, we joined multiple organizations, got involved in things that would look great on our resumes, and we get our internships. The list goes on. We do what we are supposed to do, what is right and expected. We are programmed. When did we become these robot-like people who follow check lists?

For me personally, I can’t think of a time when my life was not like this, not laid out in a certain path that I was going to follow. Turning in my work on time and getting good grades was a no-brainer. The thought of getting a bad grade on anything was enough to drive me into a cold sweat. I remember one time back when I was in high school, my junior year I think it was, I was starting to get college letters in the mail. They were just the general letters that you start to get after you take the SAT and ACT, telling you about all the things that a school has to offer. My mom looked at me one day and asked me if I even wanted to go to college. She realized that she had never even thought to ask. Going to college had always been the plan. I had never even considered doing anything else other than going to college, and finishing my education.

I would get the grades.
I would be really involved.
I would get scholarships.
I would go to college, graduate with honors, and get a good job.

There was never any doubt in my mind. I now realize that this thinking does not make me some robot-like person intent on completing some mission. This must means that I am incredibly lucky to be able to be so cure about my future. I had two amazing parents to look up to throughout my entire childhood. They both went to college and have done amazing things with their lives. They are still together and love each other. They set the standard that I strive to meet in my own life. Without them encouraging me to always do my best, I might have turned out an incredibly different person.

While I sometimes worry about disappointing them, and not living up to their standards, I know that I have been so fortunate to have them in my life, and create so many opportunities for me.

So… Are we born or made? I think it might be a combination of both.

All of you probably know someone, or multiple people, who you would consider to be an over achiever. These are the people who do pretty much everything. There’s a club on campus and they’re a part of it. They’re in the band/choir, on student government, in an honors society, on a sports team…the list goes on. You know that if you asked them to be a member of your quiz bowl team, improve group, or whatever it is, that they would say yes. Well, they would say yes after pulling out their planner to make sure that your meetings are at a time that they can make work with their schedule.

These people are always on their way to one thing or another. But, no matter how busy their lives get, they’re always the first person to volunteer to help you out if you’re in a bind. Your ride to the airport cancelled on you last minute? They’re on it. Need help with your crazy hard statistics homework? They took it last year and will totally sit with you and explain parameters and critical values for hours until you understand it.

Let’s face it, half of the time you wish you were as involved in everything as these people. They’ve got their lives figured out and you know they’ll succeed at whatever they do. The other half of the time, you get exhausted just looking at them, and are pretty sure that if you were even half as involved as they are, that you’d die.

Well you can trust me when I tell you, we really don’t have our lives together any more than you do. I’m that over-involved crazy person, or I used to be. As early-onset senioritis takes hold of me in my junior year of college, I have come to realize that this “never say no” mentality might have been killing me. In my two and a half years at college I have been involved in more than I ever thought possible. I was on a division one sports team, in a high level choir, the  sga rep/business manager/president of an a cappella group, a statistics tutor for over twenty students, in a sorority, been a founding member of an event management club, and been in the honors program.

What I have come to learn from all of this, is that I needed to find a way to narrow down the things I am involved in, to the things that really matter to me, the things that I am really truly passionate about. While I only managed to cut two of my activities, that alone helped my mental health immensely. I get fewer stress-related migraines, and I no longer feel like I have run a marathon at the end of every day.

For those of you who are like me, I encourage you to look at all the things you do, and determine what it is that you really WANT to be doing, and go from there. It will really help you out in the long run.

In my next post I think I will be looking at what it is that makes the overachievers/over-involved people of the world think that this is how they should be using their lives.